Episode 85: How is Your Heart Today? Creativity & Grief with Death Doula Tammy Faulds
Podcast
Episode 85: How is Your Heart Today? Grief, Loss, & The Creation Cycle with Death Doula Tammy Faulds
"The hardest work we will do as human beings is learning how to live with loss." — Tammy Faulds
Welcome to this episode of Show Up Fully where Grief Coach and Death Doula, Tammy Faulds, and I are back for our annual chat! This week’s episode is about the rich interconnectedness between creativity and grief. “Emotions are energy in motion.”
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform.
Tammy’s definition for grief is “the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Grief encompasses so much more than death — which is why Tammy’s mission is to change the narrative around both grief and death. We learn how being forced into creativity allowed Tammy to reimagine rituals around transition. Curiosity lets us navigate the world from a different perspective.
Like any other emotion, grief wants to be honored. I share a recent loss within my family and the challenge of navigating both the creative and grieving process. Tammy helps us understand when we use creativity, curiosity, and bravery, grief can become a portal to a new way of doing things. And tears are the natural, healing response.
Tammy and I also discuss creative blocks from the entrepreneur + solopreneur lens and the power of naming grief’s presence. Grief shows up whenever it wants — so how do we make space for it to both exist and exit? Join me as Tammy teaches us how to acknowledge grief and death as part of the cycle while noticing the unique ways it interacts with each of us. Learning the emotion allows us to move forward.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Please tag us @chefcarlacontreras + @innertravelcoach on Instagram so we can continue the conversation with you. Use the hashtag #showupfullypodcast.
Topics Covered:
Welcome back to the podcast, Tammy!
The connection between creativity and grief
Navigating grief to be able to nourish creativity
Intangible loss vs. ambiguous loss
Tears as a healing psychological response
Multiple cycles occurring simultaneously
Resources Mentioned:
Listen to Show Up Fully: Episode #77 with Tammy Faulds
Eat Well,
xo Chef Carla
PS: Want to learn about becoming a Health Coach? Listen to this episode here
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Wherever you are listening, please rate, review + subscribe to Show Up Fully. Send the podcast to your friends, post in your stories on Instagram & tag me @chefcarlacontreras and use the hashtag #showupfully
About Tammy Faulds:
Since 2010, Tammy Faulds has been utilizing her heart-expanding and holistic coaching skills to guide people from around the world, through loss to life.
Being an avid learner, Tammy has continued to tickle her grey matter and has earned her certifications as a life coach, death doula, grief educator and specialist, and yoga and meditation teacher. However, Tammy’s education really began at the innocent age of 6 when she received a cancer diagnosis. And over the years, whether it's for her annual oncology appointments, while working with seniors as they candidly share some of life's regrets, or sitting bedside with loved ones in extremis - she’s constantly reminded that life, and the death that will inevitably come, is precious.
And she finds this fascinating. Liberating in fact. Because death needn't be feared. In fact, death is just misunderstood. And it's screaming to be heard because it knows it can truly teach us how to live out life in a way that no book, no movie, and no TED talk can.
But we have cold feet and we're too scared to have the conversation. Which is why Tammy’s made it her duty to lovingly facilitate these heart centered conversations. And why Tammy’s made death, her life's work.
To learn more about understanding the importance of grief and to work with Tammy, you can find her at the links below:
Get Tammy’s Coping with Grief Workbook
Learn more about Celebration of Life Planning
Check out Tammy’s Grief Gift Boxes
Full Transcript:
Hey, it's Chef Carla and welcome to Show Up Fully.
This is a podcast that shares what it's like to show up for your real life, the magic and the hot mess, plus actionable tips and journal prompts for you.
There's short podcast snacks and full-length interviews
with creatives and entrepreneurs about how they show up in their lives.
If you don't know me, I'm a food stylist and content creation coach.
You can find me Chef Carla Contreras across all social platforms and more information in today's show notes.
00:01.00
chefcarla
Tammy Welcome back to the podcast I am so excited for our yearly chat can you introduce yourself and how you serve the world if anyone hasn't listened to the previous episode that you were on.
00:11.70
Tammy Faulds
Oh my gosh of course and thank you so much. Yeah I love it. Hopefully become our annual chat and I am tammy fallds I'm in Toronto canada and I am a grief coach and death doula.
00:31.34
chefcarla
What was I going to say my but podcast people we're going to edit that out. No, that's ok, um.
00:38.90
Tammy Faulds
Or just start again if you want and make it cleaner buck it.
00:47.80
chefcarla
But going to ask you.
00:52.26
chefcarla
Um, okay I'm gonna start again.
00:57.60
chefcarla
Things Tammy I would love to get right into this. How do you define creativity and I'm going to put in parentheses grief because you are a grief coach and i.
01:02.62
Tammy Faulds
He.
01:15.95
chefcarla
I Just feel like we have so much richness to discuss in terms of creativity and grief.
01:19.81
Tammy Faulds
Um, yes, yeah, ah well grief I'll start with that is the definition I use is from the grief Recovery institute. Which is that grief is the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior and with that definition you can see how it encompasses way more than death which is you know the big one that people associate with or diagnosis or Divorce. You know it can be intangible losses which I think we talked about last time I always give the example of the pandemic where we had immense loss in a very compressed time and it was all those intangible losses like the loss of. Freedom Community Routine safety community like all those things that just sort of like little rocks that we put into our emotional backpacks that we don't know what to do with like I don't know I've I've had this loss of routine I used to go to the gym every day but now I don't know what but just feels weird I'm just going to put that in my backpack. And then those are cuma to live and they they really do pile on each other which then leads to that heavy feeling of grief and and we've all experienced grief in our life and I say that because you can't get through life without loss.
02:40.64
Tammy Faulds
You know we're taught how to get everything in the world. How to get the job. Get the partner get the home but not what to do when we lose those things so again, those of them are tangible then the intangible things that yeah are just kind of indescribable to some people and then for the creativity. You know I define that and I love that question because I used to think oh I'm not really a creative I always envisioned creatives as being you know artists and musicians and that sort of thing but I really do just see it as a curiosity and finding a new way to do things. Um. Because it's ultimately creating and then with that lens so kind of like how the grief definition helped me to define it differently knowing that we're just creating and we're always doing that and it's a new way to do things. It's actually how I've approached my business I'm trying to you know shift the narrative on grief and death. Because again we can't get through these things in life without experiencing them and death is the 1 thing guaranteed 100 % that we're all going to do 1 time but how can we get creative about how we approach it.
03:49.25
chefcarla
And you're so creative when it comes to that like I love receiving your newsletter and I'm like oh this is an awesome offer or this is an incredible way to celebrate life like you.
04:05.64
Tammy Faulds
Um.
04:06.87
chefcarla
Especially in the last couple of months I'm I'm in awe of the creativity that's coming through.
04:14.80
Tammy Faulds
Oh thank you? Yeah, it's it's um, actually been a really rich robust creative time for me that came from grief. That's what I love that we're going to be having this chat today. But the link of the 2 um because of. Of a shift in a pivot I had to do in my business I was you know I hit say but like forced to be creative and with that that's why I've launched some new products and services one being a celebration of life service again, kind of you know. Spinning the traditional funeral because just like you know weddings have shifted over the years now you can really do your own kind of custom. Whatever you want for your wedding. There's a demand for the same thing in funerals which again kind of born from that pandemic when we couldn't gather in community together. People were forced to get creative. And think of new ways to have these rituals around this transition and with my business. That's why I launched that because I really want to help change that experience and really make it a way that honors our loved ones and so that when you go to this, you feel connected to them and not just like you're. You know, having more crustless sandwiches in ah in a wood paneled room. You know somewhere and and then similarly I launched griefed grief gift boxes as sort of like a thought about after care so something has happened and again doesn't have to just be death. It could be the loss of a job or.
05:45.61
Tammy Faulds
Breakup or pet loss and instead of just defaulting to flowers or you know showing up with the casserole of asagna. How can we connect in a way that really again honors the person and what they're going through and these boxes i've. Partner with a woman here in Toronto and we've really curated them so that they're very thoughtful. They engage all the senses and they're all about self-care you know so you can self-soothe and and with that I also provide a grief workbook and I've curated playlists. I love music and so I've got these? Yeah, all these different ways that you can kind of approach grief knowing that it is a full contact emotion and it deserves your you know attention and engaging all those senses helps us to move the grief.
06:38.84
chefcarla
Oh it's really interesting How you said that it's a full contact emotion. So I want people to just pause and soak that in that grief you know and we've been on this journey together Tammy for the last what year.
06:46.74
Tammy Faulds
Um, it is.
06:56.37
Tammy Faulds
The hand.
06:58.52
chefcarla
Um, and I had no idea how much attention it deserves.
07:06.80
Tammy Faulds
Yeah we're so taught I mean not all of us. But I think the majority ofs are taught that grief is just something we don't understand and therefore we I jokingly say we shove it in the subbasement of our souls like I don't want to see you touch. You feel you. Don't want to deal with you I'm gonna shove you down. It's soldier on toughen up be strong. Don't cry don't feel bad. All these things that were're taught that really just ignore it and like end the other emotion. Grief just wants to be seen and heard and acknowledged and know that it matters you know and that's why I love like you know the movie and there's a number 2 coming out of inside out where they really honor sadness. Yeah, obviously joy is the 1 we want to feel and experience and really elevate and celebrate. But oh my gosh the gifts that. You know as they depicted sadness in the film. But yeah grief that can you know give us if we're courageous and brave enough to goldmine those shadows and it's full contact because it does affect you on on many levels. It's not just an emotional experience. You know it's it's physical. We were um. Chatting earlier and I was chatting with a friend earlier this week about how we're just more prone to accidents and illnesses because of our you know foggy brain. You know we're just kind of in this bumbling sort of state where we're not quite you know able to function as we normally would.
08:39.18
Tammy Faulds
So knowing just even that that we're just not. You know I'm just thinking like that full contact it really is like because you're but you're hitting walking into tables that it may be in your home for 20 years or like my friend was saying she got a a new car and then immediately drove it into the parking Lot. You know. Wall at her building and yeah could really only attribute it to the fact that she's been through some some big you know experiences and just her brain isn't functioning the same.
09:11.86
chefcarla
Yeah, it's really interesting and we've talked about this before we hopped on the podcast and I'm curious to research more about the grief brain is least Li That's what I'm going to label it. But um I would love to know how through.
09:20.72
Tammy Faulds
We had.
09:28.78
chefcarla
And I want to like label this through grief. Um or through the lens of grief because when I ask how do you nourish your creativity. Um, you said that that this year there were moments of grief that you went through. In order to come into this period of creativity. So and I know that you also live in a beautiful space right on Lake Ontario so I'm curious if that also is. Part of nourishing your creativity.
10:05.23
Tammy Faulds
A million percent that's it's my when I first moved here Carla oh my gosh. It was like my shoulders dropped I am a cancer right? So I'm a crab I am most nourished by the water. So. Being able to you know, walk and be at the lake in 2 minutes is absolutely the way I nurture and nourish myself and and a in my in my business when I have some heavier conversations with clients I go to the lake and I just. Energetically dump everything in the lake because I know mother nature loves to compost and recycle and I'm like you can take this um and that's you know and when I think about creativity mother nature you know is the master creator constantly. In those cycles of creation and that's why I'm continually inspired by nature and if I'm you know sick I make sure I look out the window when I lived in a basement apartment before I remember just feeling as I didn't have windows how much that affected me again like. Ah, few different levels like emotionally and spiritually and being in nature just allows me to respond to the natural cycles to to just see how you know those patterns in nature and and use those as inspiration in my own business.
11:36.34
Tammy Faulds
As Well as when I go for walks sometimes throwing on like you know like a podcast um and and just hearing what others are doing and and being inspired by them so giving myself the time though like literally blocking out in my calendar creative time and that's all I label it. Is This is my time and if I want to go outside if I want to go have a nap but you know goes often I'll I'll have a refreshing nap and then get up and be really inspired and and creative after that time journaling Huge fan of Journaling Meditations Any of those ways just to connect. Myself is how I connect to my creativity which is yeah often through nature.
12:20.40
chefcarla
Yeah, and you had did you have a retreat I feel like you had a retreat or a program where you had the interweaving of grief in nature.
12:34.87
Tammy Faulds
Yeah biophilia I'm yeah, still working on that but I am working on a retreats funny. You mentioned that in Costa Rica perhaps in April um, yeah to again, just really commune. You know.
12:44.53
chefcarla
Whoo.
12:48.17
Tammy Faulds
Deep in nature and just being out of our regular element so stay tuned for that.
12:51.89
chefcarla
Oh I'm excited I'm excited I would like to talk about creative blocks in creative blocks in terms of grief as well and I did share this with you and I will share this with the podcast.
12:59.10
Tammy Faulds
Um, in hindon.
13:11.34
chefcarla
Listeners that personally I had a loss in my family um literally the other day and we talked about this before we hopped on the podcast that I also had a creative project do yesterday and how.
13:25.65
Tammy Faulds
Yes.
13:30.69
chefcarla
Do you move through I don't know the creative process getting things done when there are moments of grief whether there and we talked about those giant rocks or the small pebbles I feel like we've chatted about this that there's really you know there's. Big grief and there's little grief and how do people move through that.
13:54.49
Tammy Faulds
Yeah, and I love the question because I think again, we just so often equate grief with death. So it's like well you know when something does happen like that and you have that loss in your family you immediately know and you can label that very easily like okay I feel this it's grief I know it. But I really want to shine a line a light also on again those little so we're kind of just jokingly called them pebbles right? that and everyone's had that moment where you have a pebble in your shoe and you're like ah I'm not going to bother taking I'm just going to keep walking and then it becomes a blister which then you know, just kind of festers and becomes something bigger. And when we were talking about pebbles. You know as entrepreneurs being things like launching something new and not having a single sale from it or you know someone? Um so unsubscribes and you're like okay well. I know logically it's like okay well they weren't meant for me and I'll make space for someone new, but it still impacts you you know I always think of the head and the heart. So these things we can logically think through um but it it feels difficult right? So things I know for me feeling. As a a solo preneur very alone and isolated which is why I've also purposely partnered with those women for the celebration of life in the grief boxes. So I can have some collaborative energy. But even when you know I put out the good old Instagram algorithms where I put so much time and energy into a real.
15:23.92
Tammy Faulds
And then crickets you know it's like oh like that kind of so it's these little like you're saying these little g griefs. Um that I want to help people understand a little bit more so again, those intangible losses um are just as impactful right? because like I said that pebble's in your shoe over time. You know? and again if you get more? um unsubscribes or more you know, unsuccessful launches those all add up and can be just as heavy as a bigger g grief in your life and for you you know I'm not sure and sure you can talk to what you actually did but naming. It. Is always the first thing for me. So again, it's a little bit easier when there's a death because we definitely associate grief with that but also knowing these other little ones are just as impactful and even things like ambiguous loss which is a term coined by Dr Pauline Boss in the 70 s but the the. Definition of it being that a loss that is never fully resolved or there's no concrete ending to it and these often leave us feeling helpless confused. You know, stressed anxious because we're grieving what was. Or what might have been so we're kind of caught in that messy middle. So as you you know a lot of us talk about that in entrepreneurship and I know I've had those where I'm longing for the days of like oh remember when things were just smooth and flowing and everything felt good and then.
16:44.20
chefcarla
Um.
16:57.60
Tammy Faulds
Oh I lost this you know partnership or like the the event didn't go well or whatever it is and then you're you're grieving Well ah man if that had just gone off the way I thought it was going to oh what could have been possible. You know the opportunities that were there. So.
17:15.50
Tammy Faulds
Even with those right we wanted to move them. It's naming it and that's why I wanted to give some frame around that about intangible losses and ambiguous loss because often if we have a definition we're like oh okay, like that's when I found Berne Brown is like oh my gosh. She's putting language around all the things I'm feeling who. Yeah, so I could relax a bit so labeling it and then acknowledging and accepting that it's here and it's present grief doesn't have a timeline grief doesn't care if you're in the grocery store and you hear a song and it just triggers you and you become a puddle you know. Holiday dinner. Whatever it is it can show up whenever it wants so we just need to again. Honor it be like hello back welcome back and I'm gonna acknowledging the step that you're here but I need right now to focus get this project done. And again you can speak to your own experience of that. But I'm going to focus here get through it and then I'll you know literally make some time for it afterwards to grieve.
18:17.93
chefcarla
Yeah, and because I've worked with you I will share that I did my project and then I sat and we've chatted about this before the podcast I sat with my Christmas tree. And I put on a timer for 5 minutes and I sat there and I fully cried for five full minutes and I allowed myself to experience and to feel that deep grief. And it felt great. Afterwards.
18:54.72
Tammy Faulds
Yeah, tears are healing. They get a bad Rap. They're so healing and they are the physiological response. It's how your body's releasing that emotion and again I'll just throw my definition of I Mean. Ah. Not the only one who defines it this way but emotions are energy and motion. So if we can give them permission to move. Yeah, right? Who doesn't love a good cry even when I did those playlists for the grief boxes. Yeah,, there's purposey songs in there to help move the emotion.
19:27.57
chefcarla
And it's such a gift to be able to have that permission to have the energy in motion to have that you know time and space I feel like before working with you I don't know that I would have done that tammy. I Don't know that I would have gave myself the space in order to feel the emotions and I think that this is the really special thing about about the grief recovery method and working with you is that.
19:48.80
Tammy Faulds
Um.
20:06.37
chefcarla
I Allowed that emotion to move through.
20:06.78
Tammy Faulds
Yeah, because we're just taught to stuff it down you know and I I say too that the neck is the the bottleneck of the body right? you look at us and often when you feel Grief. It's in that heart space and then when you want to express it. We get choked up right? You know it's It's right there in our throats. But we're so again, our brains like no, no, no, no, no, no Nope you push that down and we literally will swallow hard like and push it back down but that's all again, Grief wants us to be seen and heard and know it matters and. Sharing it in a space with someone that you trust who is going to hold your story with such care and compassion and knowing that we don't even need to say that's another you know myth out there is that well I don't want to say the wrong thing and and. All I would say to that is be a heart with ears just listen. That's all you need because there's no perfect words. There's Nothing. You're going to say that's going to fix anything because right It's not that you're Broken. We live with loss all the time and probably it's one of the hardest you know. The hardest work will do as human beings is learning how to live with Loss. So the more we can talk about it which is why I'm so appreciative and grateful to be back on here to talk about this topic because it's so important and.
21:37.39
Tammy Faulds
The more we can understand grief and just how it works knowing it's unique and individual to each person how you grieve might be vastly different than how I grieve but understanding that and going. Okay here it is again. Yep, here's how I can label it move it through acknowledge Accepts. Yeah. And again, it's just so you can move forward I Know there's people talk about you know, moving on and listen Grief's always going to be a part of us and it's just learning just like any other emotion right? They're always going to be in us. It's just learning how it works with you uniquely and how you can make it you know. So that you can move forward.
22:16.50
chefcarla
Yeah, and I think that that's an important note like I shared with you that I had a timer and you know I needed to grab children and move in between my work schedule and that's what worked for me. Um.
22:27.38
Tammy Faulds
Um, a.
22:29.95
Tammy Faulds
Is it.
22:33.31
chefcarla
There's so many different ways to move through grief and to move through I feel like through the creative process that innately creation is part of that like death is part of the creation process.
22:47.53
Tammy Faulds
Yeah, it's part of the cycle right? You know the death and and this is actually I was reminding myself misremembering this now as we're chatting but when I was going through the past six months have been really difficult and. Reminding myself of where I was in that cycle of life. So I think of it as seasons. You know so death being winter which we're just moving into now. But it's that slowing down it's that reflective time and I was like okay this is where I am and that gave birth. To the spring. You know where I was able to take the creativity I had and then birth those new you know sprouts of projects just last month and then I'll come up, you know around summer which is where the height and hopefully things really you know start to get traction and take off and then I'll go through that cycle again. And then I'm sure there'll be some loss like that's where I think of my lookout again at nature the trees you know shedding their leaves in the fall and then going into winter and then back around again. So just knowing that these cycles are happening all the time daily. You know we go to bed. It's dark. You know and. And then we wake up again and the sunrises and we go through that cycle and and again more of like the yearly calendar with the seasons and that sort of thing so just reminding yourselves that we're all a part of this and be so compassionate and generous with yourself with we know.
24:19.97
Tammy Faulds
If you're in that kind of fall winter stage where there is some loss in your life and give yourself a lot of grace because again, not not many of us were taught how to ah handle you know these tougher emotions again how to move them through. We've just been taught to shove them down. Shut up and soldier on. So if you're here and listening to this virtual high- 5 um because that shows that you're curious. You know, which for me is always the seed of that creativity like hu well I wonder I wonder how grief does show it for me and how it may show up in different. Scenarios again like if the more intangible or if it is like a diagnosis or something like that. Um, yeah, and then just having conversations with again people that you trust who can hold the stories and and and not no judgment or anything around them right.
25:10.80
chefcarla
I Think it's really important that you mention seasons because I do feel like I identify with this strongly that there are seasons to my creativity. There's seasons to even the work that I do as a creator.
25:28.35
Tammy Faulds
He.
25:30.61
chefcarla
You know there's a there's busier times there's times when like it's It's literally on um and despite when maybe going on with other losses in my life. There's still. There's still creation.
25:48.29
Tammy Faulds
Yeah, cocentric circles. We can have multiple cycles happening at the same time and that's okay and again it's just learning about how to navigate that uniquely for you. Um, and like yeah, that's just going to show up differently for everyone and.
25:52.20
chefcarla
Yeah.
26:06.13
Tammy Faulds
I'm just laughing to myself because I'm like I'm also working On. Um, it's gonna be a little course or a blog or whatever it is but about I do have and I can give you the show notes or for the show notes for that. The links to the I have two blogs I did on the on that cycle along with a little graphic so you can kind of just follow Yourself. You know it's the Hero's journey right? Like everyone is not everyone but I'm sure a lot people are familiar with that of yeah you set out on the path. You know the challenging thing happens you're set out on the path. You meet the teacher you you know, learn all the things you bring it back to the community and you start over again. But yeah, honoring that there's. There can be multiple cycles happening at the same time and again just giving yourself a lot of grace and compassion for navigating those.
26:50.76
chefcarla
Beautiful. Thank you so much Tammy How can we find you? How can we work with you. How can we support you.
26:58.70
Tammy Faulds
I am at Internertravelvelcoaching.com and I say that with like yeah because I'm actually shutting down my website I'm getting a refresh so I'll have just an undercons construction page up for a little bit. And so I'm not sure when this errors but you might find it under construction page but hopefully it won't be under construction for long. But yeah inter travelvel coachaching dot com and then kind of inter travel coach or coaching on the socials is where you find me most. Thank you? Carla.
27:27.45
chefcarla
Thank you Tammy.